我们不应该在劳动节工作吗？用美国劳工部网站的话来说，这是旨在纪念美国工人的日子。一个“国家大部分力量，自由和领导力的创造者”的人。而且，我可能会补充说，全国大部分的Antacid使用。我知道，当我无法与一个困难的客户打电话时，我觉得自己像是一个强大的领导者，而没有从我在Costco购买的工业大小的集装箱中挑起十八个Rolaids，然后是一个快速的Tums Chaser，加上了额外的钙。（我经常想知道胃酸反流和骨质疏松症之间是否存在联系？如果是这样，这是为什么商人总是说“扔我骨头？”）
Labor Day may have been set up to pay tribute to the worker, but it’s become another excuse for an anemic barbecue where people talk about the long ago days of June and July with the same wistful tone that Shia LaBeouf recalls his days without a police record. Labor Day weekend has become less a clarion call to our unity as workers than a depressing reminder that summer is as good as dead. And let us remember that while we blithely take Monday off, plenty of other workers are making sure we can still buy groceries, pay our tolls, and get a brain freeze from a Blizzard at Dairy Queen. So if this is truly a holiday that is a celebration of the American worker, the least it could do is demonstrate what would happen if everyone stopped working for 24 lousy hours. We would all get a federally-mandated excuse to kick back and relax, even as all the people in the world, deprived of air travel, entertainment and dining out, would quickly become roving bands of nomadic hordes who resort to Satanic sacrifices and cannibalism. Not to mention the rampant looting of 7-Eleven’s which for the first time in history won’t be open.
因此，劳动节几乎是我们决定通过不这样做来庆祝某件事的一个假期。考虑到这样的先例，这可能会在商业上造成破坏。如果每个情人节，夫妇都交换了贺卡，这些贺卡的特色是坐在鲜艳的心中，上面写着“不想你？”，该怎么办如果感恩节不是要感恩，而是要列出我们讨厌的一切并在饭前大声朗读它怎么办？有人在植树日砍掉一些完美的树木吗？
早在1882年，他们想在五月举行劳动节，但社会党已经抓住了本月的第一天参加美国工人游行。有些人认为9月的第一个周末被选为抵消与红军的任何身份证明。这不仅意味着美国劳工组织想对公众对公众对工人的含义的看法进行意见，而且还为由苏珊·萨兰登（Susan Sarandon）主演的低预算独立电影提供了现成的场景。
因此，现在，我们大多数人最终通过吸吮莫尔森并将良好的汉堡移到室外烤架的顶部架子，同时在夏季撰写颂歌时，庆祝劳动节，“这是一个很好的季节。麻疹。毒藤。坚持汽车座椅。那个几乎淹死的救生员。啊，美好的时光……”当然，我们很沮丧，因为夏天结束了，我们很快就会回到秋天和冬天的稳固节奏，这是我们与之有爱的关系的工作。好吧，现在该以您永远不会允许自己的方式来恢复劳动节。凌晨4点起床去办公室。让您的创造力疯狂。为什么不重新整理所有家具，以使其看起来像阿尔弗雷德·希区柯克的个人资料，而您的Credenza形成了他的第二个下巴？ Challenge one another to write the most inspirational haiku about work you can think of, “Glad to be back here/I’ve let this job become stale/ My brain is crap weeeeeeeeeeee.” Now you’re loosened up, make those cold calls! “Hi, I’m Steve, and I’m lovin’ life. Want to invest in a loaded mutual fund?” Your fresh new outlook could turn commonplace research into earth-shattering discoveries! (“I started out doing a regression analysis on our key demographic to understand why sixteen-year olds with head lice prefer non-fat yogurt sweetened with Splenda, and ended up locating a Denny’s in Upper Darby, Pennsylvania that each morning serves half a dozen Grand Slam breakfasts and a barbiturate omelete to Elvis!” Damn, I’m good!”)
然后，经过八个小时的时间，发现了自己作为一个工作人员的真正价值，扔了您应有的劳动节井喷式爆炸式爆炸。没有一些OH-WELL-IT的夏末Wiener Roast，而是在桌子上跳舞，头上的灯罩，带纸卷 - 橡胶带弹奏弹奏派对的飞碟射击Ritz Crackers。嘿，这是在您的办公大楼里的几个小时，所以没有邻居要打扰。您甚至可以沉迷于1990年代中期的糟糕的男孩乐队音乐。哦，如果有任何人最近在您的工作中被解雇，也可以邀请他们加入。我敢肯定，他们会克服自己的怨恨，并感谢有机会赚几美元为食物服务。只是不要让它们靠近牛排刀。
好的，所以也许我只是要有一个无聊的旧烧烤，并为过去三个月提供的更宽松的安排感到遗憾。Or maybe I’ll just sneak into the office over the weekend with my wife, and inject some new energy into my workspace by fooling around with her on the desk: paperweights and calendars flung to the side, and the stapler clinging to the edge of my blotter for dear life. Okay, TMI. Suffice to say, it would be a Labor Day to remember, and it would forever take the curse of drudgery out of my workstation. All I’m getting at is that when it comes to a celebration of the American Worker, we can no longer leave it up to the powers that be. In the end, it seems, the onus is on us. Because no matter where you stand, Labor Day is a job in itself. After all, it’s hard work juggling ten Jody Maroni chicken apple sausages and five frozen mail order Kobe beef medallions, while fending off that one guy who always brings his own veggie burger and doesn’t seem to understand that there is no way you can ever tell when soy has been grilled to the point of being medium-rare.