“You’re not good enough. You need to change.”
These exact words weren’t said to me, but they couldn’t stop ringing in my head.
At the time, I was a junior developer working for a large internet media company in New York City, when my supervisor called me into his office and began going through a list of bullet points of mainly negative feedback. While he didn’t actually verbalize the words “negative feedback,” he might as well have said exactly that.
我知道他的意图是为我提供有益的指导。大多数经理和领导人相信performance feedbackis a critical skill, one that helps their employees improve, but it’s become such an integral part of the status quo that they don’t see how it might be more harmful than effective. As哈佛商业评论贡献者彼得·布雷格曼（Peter Bregman）和霍伊·雅各布森（Howie Jacobson）写道：“在过去的30年中，公司一直专注于创造反馈文化，以至于我们首先忘记了为什么我们要这样做。[但是，]反馈很少（如果有的话）实现其所需的目标。”
反馈的问题
这是事实：告诉人们他们缺少商标与帮助他们达到印记并不相同，布雷格曼和雅各布森总结道。它通常具有相反的效果。
I agree. Something I’ve learned while growing my company over the last 15 years is that feedback isn’t effective when it inflates — or bruises — someone’s ego. Just as my supervisor went through a list of all my shortcomings all those years ago, the culture I’m striving to create with my business is the exact opposite of this.
Your “constructive” feedback isn’t fooling anyone
There’s a reason why we cringe anytime someone wants to offer us “constructive” feedback. Hearing this term begins the process of preparing ourselves to feel psychologically unsafe.
没有人喜欢感觉好像失败了。这些感觉通常会产生滴滴的效果，在您的整个文化中渗透到整个文化中，从而营造出充满恐惧和焦虑的紧张环境。“将人们集中在他们的缺点或差距上并不能使学习（无论意图如何）。它会损害它，”say作者马库斯·白金汉（Marcus Buckingham）和阿什利·古德尔（Ashley Goodall）哈佛商业评论故事。研究人员发现的是：“从他人那里引起我们的优势催化学习，而对我们的弱点的关注使它陷入困境。”
成为盟友（不是评论家）
作为领导者，我们需要超越反馈并将重点从评论家转移到盟友。布雷格曼（Bregman）和雅各布森（Jacobson）写道：“当您是某人的盟友时，您会表现出照顾他们，对他们的信心以及对他们的承诺。在您面前，它们会丢下羞耻和防御能力，而要专注于变得更好。”
All of this sounds great, you’re probably thinking, but how to put it into practice?
The researchers recommend the following three-step formula to help engage team-members better:
- 表现出同理心。When faced with challenges, let them know you understand how difficult, annoying, and frustrating this must be.
- 表达您对他们的信心。表明您相信他们处理斗争的能力会增强自己的自我保证。
- Offer to brainstorm together.But first, make sure to ask permission. “Ask them if they would be willing to think with you about the situation,” Bregman and Jacobson emphasize.
Focus instead on helping your team thrive and excel
“逃避反馈陷阱，”writes公司撰稿人罗比·阿贝德（Robbie Abed）：“您必须有目的地决定帮助您的员工学习并取得卓越成就。”
在我的公司中，对我们来说至关重要的是，我们提供的积极评论不是蓬松的奉承，而是真正的观察。我一直生活在这样一个原则上，即诚实和透明度是尊重的真实指标，并且我认为围绕这一点建立我们的文化是一个重点。
对我来说，帮助您的团队蓬勃发展和表现力是意味着消除批评的焦虑，并接触您的反馈作为对话的机会，或者是一个相互交谈，为对方提供了交谈和帮助他们开放的空间。
这次对话的一部分涉及强调某人对自己的天生能力的努力。这意味着要承认其绩效的各个方面，这些方面是他们控制的，他们的计划，创造力和主动性。与其提供“建设性的”反馈，不如让他们想起大局以及如何以目标为导向。
白金汉和古道尔说：“每当您看到一个人做对您有用的事情时，只会震撼您的世界，停止一分钟并突出显示。”