Being stuck is metaphorical. It’s a mental construct. Of the reactions one can have to something negative—fight, flight, or freeze—being stuck falls into the “freeze” camp. But unless you find yourself superglued to your chair or sinking in a pile of quicksand, you aren’t actually stuck. Loosely defined as a perceived inability to move, getting stuck can take on various traits including indecisiveness, second-guessing, and fear. It’s worth looking at each one individually.
卡住的优柔寡断
- I can’t do it wrong if I don’t do anything at all
- Choosing feels confining
- What if something better comes along?
Arianna Huffington once said, “Whatever your entry point, take it.” Simple and clear.
It may seem counterintuitive, but indecisiveness can be compounded by making lists of pros and cons, checking in with others, or reading tea leaves for answers. If those techniques work, by all means, use them. But if you feel stuck due to an inability to decide, try taking your entry point right now, today, this hour. Entry points can be any number of things including the next meeting on your calendar, the project you’ve committed to complete, the person you’re caring for, or the email that needs writing. Your entry point is what’s on your plate right now. It’s not what you wish was on your plate. It’s the slice of life that has unfolded for you, and to you.
我2020年的灯泡时刻之一，当我对一个决定的痛苦远远超过其保证，这是我思考的信息，“根据我能做的好事做出决定”。
I’ve noticed time and again working with clients, that decision-making is often loaded with “shoulds.” Rationales include “I should do X because it makes more money.” Or, “I should do Y because my family expects it.” Or “I’m a bad parent if I don’t do Z.” I’d even say that stuckness as indecisiveness almost always occurs because of “shoulds” crowding the room.
One remedy for the Stuck Indecisive is weeding out the shoulds and seeing if what’s left makes things more clear. Or in the case of my lightbulb moment, finding criteria that help to clear the mist. For me, the directive to make decisions based on how much good I could do naturally canceled out other options that didn’t fit those criteria.
The Stuck Second-Guesser
- What if they don’t like it/me?
- What was I thinking?
- 如果我失败了怎么办？
中国僧侣云门·温扬（Yunmen Wenyan）说：“走路，走路。坐着，坐着。最重要的是，不要摇摆。”
第二猜测正在摇摆。至少在我们走路时，我们到了某个地方。当我们坐着时，我们正在休息，静止不动，掌握灵感。但是摇摆或第二猜测没有人，尤其是摇摇欲坠的人。
In an ideal world, we’d have the reassurance that our choices are the “right” ones. People would pat us on the back, results would be immediate, or we’d get a telegram from the universe. Barring those, our best option is to trust the instinct, insight, or inspiration that made the choice in the first place and proceed.
In cases where red lights are flashing to stop or change course, pay attention to those. But either way, resolutely moving forward or pivoting to another direction keeps us from wobbling or spinning in place.
在他的书中The Tao of AbundanceLaurence G. Boldt says that hesitation confounds action. He recommends living in the spirit of Wu Wei, which means acting in an unforced, effortless manner, without struggle. He says: “To block action on an inspiration or intuition with the hesitation or paralysis of self-conscious thinking is missing the spirit of Wu Wei every bit as much as pushing and forcing a result.”
The Stuck Fearful
- 我可能会失去一切
- I’ll make an idiot of myself
- I’ll be homeless by Thursday
恐惧可能是三者中最阴险的。恐惧是瘫痪的，因为它的主要作用是防止我们被野生动物食用。问题在于，即使没有野生动物，我们的恐惧也会引发，而是对[填补恐惧]的看法将使我们活着。在指导人们进行公开演讲时，我反复看到这一点。虽然这种恐惧在对死亡的恐惧中排名就在那儿，但我还没有看到任何人真正死亡。
恐惧通常比现在更大。当您将其分解为组件零件时，您会看到这一点，而不是盯着瘫痪的敬畏之情。尽管许多人害怕公开演讲，但他们并不总是害怕同一部分。通过分解它，我们可以解决零部件以找到一些缓解。如果担心看起来很愚蠢，我们会深入了解消息并确保其水密度。如果恐惧是棉花茅斯，我们会研究唾液技术和水合产品。如果恐惧令人震惊，我们将解决这个问题。（肉毒杆菌毒素显然非常有效）。
关键是，通过解决其组件部分并将其一个一个处理来减少恐惧。它会完全消失吗？或许。如果没有，下一步是确定恐惧另一端的目标是否值得不舒服。在她的书中大魔法，伊丽莎白·吉尔伯特（Elizabeth Gilbert）提供了令人难忘的策略。因为她知道不可避免的恐惧是不可避免的，所以她看到自己的恐惧是一个5岁的孩子，乘坐骑车，但必须坐在后座，不允许触摸方向盘。这使她（您）在她（您）生活的驾驶员座位上，而恐惧被降级到后座。就像许多5岁儿童一样，它常常会感到无聊或厌倦了chat不休，然后流失了睡眠。
Simply remembering that getting stuck is a mental construct that we have agency over can help get things moving again. Add in movement, flow, starting from where you are, eliminating “shoulds,” and putting fear in the back seat, and you have a powerful arsenal of allies to help you.
Kristin Brownstone是一名经过认证的专业教练。